CALEB'S JOURNAL

so this is how it feels to be completely happy, ive never felt anything this good but at the same time i wish this will never end... im in love the coincedence being that as soon as i fall in love i have to go to college like 12 months later, so the best year of my life will lead to 4 of my worst years... 4 years without kellie, but if its meant to be, ill be happy

Current Mood: in love with kellie
Current Music: from 1st to last

home is where you make it...
hmm 2 updates in a month... its a new personal record. well i have some more news about my life. i now reside in residents at my grandparents, i will be sleeping in their basement, it has its good and bad points, for one they keep the house around 80 degrees and so i feel like i am always sweating, good points, im spoiled... not like my parents didnt spoil me but grandparents do it so much better. i realized how much im going to miss my brother chris i almost feel bad for torturing him for the past 15 years but ehh it was worth it. i know the next few months are going to be a huge change but thats what people do, things change and people adapt its been like that for at least a hundred or so years.

enough about my boring life now onto whats really important, how much i care about kellie... i know it looks all mushy and gross, and if i was in your shoes i would think the same thing but she is so wonderful. we sit up and talk for hours every night b4 she goes to bed and she gives the best back messages in the whole wide world, and her smile just makes me so happy i want to pop with butterflies every time i see it. theres so much i want to tell her and i just dont know if theres enough time in the world to say it all. but ill try.

ill keep ya'll posted

Current Mood: in love
Current Music: every song about how great love is

gosh its been forever
i dont even know where to start... so much great stuff has happend... for starters i fell in love... and the best part is im still falling... i just hope it never ends. kellie is probubly the single best thing that has ever happened 2 me. there is so much stuff i want to tell her. like how beautiful she is and how happy she makes me... i finally realized how there can be so many songs about the same thing (love) because when you are in love there is no single way do describe how good you feel.

now that your probubly board out of your mind about reading about the girl of my dreams. i work at hungry howies... the single worst and best place to work. dont get me wrong its easy as heck and the co-workers are great... but its so monotonous... you make pizza after pizza after pizza.... you get the point

school... hmm its macomb... its easy... and i feel stupider for even going there...

back to kellie... I LOVE HER... no other way 2 say it. if your reading this kellie and you probubly are, i just want 2 say thank you. thank you. thank you for being such a wonderful girlfriend, thank you for helping me pack my boxes for moving, thank you for cleaning my room, for making my bed, for cooking me food
thank you

Current Mood: in love
Current Music: every song by alexisonfire

im sorry
well today is the last day of swimming hurray!!!! but im soo nervous~ i am soo horrible at it. i have no mental strenghth maybe im just stupid but i hate it soo much i psyche myself out soo bad.... i am still swimming 4 events today wich sux cuzz im still sore from yesterday

im guess im also nervous cuzz im having lady problems... umm i guess i can finally break it down becuzz everyone thinks they have there own idea about it... ummm the girl i like only wants to be friends, thats ok becuzz we have been friends for 3 years (and counting) but i end up comparing every other girl to her wich is bad becuzz shes soo special no other girl could BE her. last nite we got into a lil argument about how im an a$$ whole to her, the problem is, i am an a-hole to her. i get soo jealous when she hangs out with her ex. i dont know wut to do, so i treat her bad...wich doesnt help me feel better or anything.

ummm i hate sports right now... i dont want to run track im soo burned out on feeling nervous before every race and meet, its not healthy. i still dont know why i get nervous becuzz ive been racing sense technicually 4th grade track. but i gotta go ill talk to you later

sorry for being a nervous reck teh past few days everyone!!

Current Mood: wrecked and jealous
Current Music: taking back sunday

swim meet
im soo scared about today... i have swimming devisionals today AND tomorrow. i dont know how im going to do. I get soo nervous b4 i swim in big meets like this. in cross country it was good cuzz it made you run faster, but in swimming its bad becuzz i freak out and i screw my stroke up so it actually makes me slower. umm suzy wished me goodluck last night, that ALWAYS (i wish i could underline that) helps me. im ranked 7th and 8th in 2 events and top 6 medal... all the more reason to be nervous cuz i have to move up today, im not goin to waste 3 months in that horrible water and not get a medal!! then theres the other problem... my shoulders. hmm well i cant raise my left arm equal to the my shoulder without it killing me. AND THE RIGHT ONE IS EVEN WORSE. I hate sports, i stress my self out so bad (heck im even rambling on in this thing) but seriously say a prayer for me or something today please.

i shaved my legs last night, my chest, my armpits, and my hmm you got the idea. but i did leave the hair on my head. I like it even though it took me like an hour and a half. it was horrible i cut my legs soo bad. but worth it cuzz at least i know why girls dont do shave there legs all the time.

i decided ex-boyfriends are retarted. not just anyone of them in particular but if your girl broke up with you, sure it was fun while it lasted but its over move on. and another thing for all those ex-boyfriends out there who are obsessed about their old girlfriend thats just scares me... i think gina(gina your my favorite metro kid) said it best "get over it" umm thats just me but i gotta go dont forget to say a lil word to the lord for me

Current Mood: scared out of my mind
Current Music: everything fast loud and gets me pumped

good day
i dont know where to start lol today was soo sweet... i didnt sleep at all last nite but i think that helped me realize that even though i look like crap (all the time) i still have friends that luv me!! umm i think im jealous of all the kids running conditioning for track cuzz i miss running soo much heck the only reason i swim is so i can stay in shape for running... anyways we had practice b4 our meet (its part of bettins HELL week) but i have 2 bumbed shoulders so i got out of most of it... today at the meet i swam soo fast lol i was a P.I.M.P! the timer girl for lane 3 kept hitting on me but i was like "ehhhh.." and i told her if i swam like crap its cuzz she was talkin to much but i was jp wit her anyways after the meet they had such good food it was awsome!! they had pizza and cupcakes and juice and everything my fat butt would want! after i ate a lil i called suzy to tell her how sweet i did...that put me in even a better mood, go figure. but then i came home and played g-tar i think im finally getting decent sounding :crosses fingers: but now its time for this kid to hit the sack

luv all of you!!

Current Mood: thankful
Current Music: UNTIL THE DAY I DIE by story of the year

pathetic by blink 182
I know I'm pathetic,
I knew when she said it.
A loser, a bum's what she called me when I drove her home
There's no more waiting and sure no more wasting
I've done all I can but she still wants to be left alone
You got, you got, you got to help me out
And I'll try not to argue
No one, no one, no one likes a drop-out
Mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down this is where I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong
Don't pull me down this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong

I think it's disgusting, believing, and trusting
If I gave a #### there would be nothing for me to prove
Although it's amusing, it's slightly confusing
I've done all I can but her ego is still hard to move
You got, you got, you got to help me out
And I'll try not to argue
No one, no one, no one likes a drop out
Mistakes are hard to undo

Don't pull me down this is where I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong
Don't pull me down this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong

Don't pull me down this is where I belong
I think I'm different, but I'm the same and I'm wrong
Don't pull me down this is where I belong
I think I'm different, this is where I belong

Current Mood: crappy

i wish i was dead
um today i the most important thing in the world to me... a piece of myself.
i wish i could write poetry but this will have 2 do

the world hates everything that that is good, it sends blow after blow of pain and hatred to the people who need it least. it tries to destort the beutiful, the smart, the... you. you are everything that is positive in this world. everyone can sense that you are special, you are different. but i know i will only be your friend and thats all i can ask of you,
THNX FOR EVERYTHING LIL LADY!!
YOU MEEN THE WORLD 2 ME

Current Mood: WHO CARES
Current Music: CUTE WITHOUT THE e FROM THE TEAM BY TBS!!!

THIS SONG CAPTURES THE FEELINGS AND PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING TO DO WITH HOW I FEEL ABOUT... YOU KNOW... I HATE GIRLS THEY MESS WITH MY HEAD

TAKING BACK SUNDAY LYRICS

"You're So Last Summer"

She said
"don't, don't let it go to your head
Boys like you are a dime a dozen,
Boys like you are a dime a dozen"
She said
"you're a touch overrated,
you're a lush and I hate it
but these grass stains on my knees
they won't mean a thing"

And all I (all I)
Need to know (need to know)
Is that I'm somethin you'll be missin
(is that I'm somethin that you're missin)
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to
I'll do what I got to
Unless I had to
I'll do what I go to, the truth
is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleedin on your shirt

And all I (all I)
Need to know (need to know)
Is that I'm somethin you'll be missin
(is that I'm somethin that you're missin)
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
(maybe I should hate for this)
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that...

Cuase I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name
Cuase I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be last chance you get to drop my name

If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar

MAYBE I SHOULD HATE YOU FOR THIS... IM SOO CONFUSED I DONT KNOW WUT I WANT WUT I NEED ITS TO HARD I CANT TAKE IT

YOU SAY YOU NEED A VACATION~ I NEED TO MOVE

Current Mood: SCREWED
Current Music: ADAM SONG BY BLINK 182

ehhh
wellll the past few days have just added to my ever expanding emotional rollercoaster... it started wed. i dont really remember anything in particular except that it was a great day.
except for when my ex called and told me how big of an ass whole i am (im starting to see it) and how the best person i know (suzy)uses me cuzz i make her happy (wich is a lie cuzz for 1. i dont make her happy 2.christen is still ######## jealous cuzz she doesnt have me) anyways christen knows how lonely i am and she tells me how happy she is with mark or bob or wutever her f-buddys name is,

thursday well... thursday wut can i say umm i swam a 25.00 in the 50 yard dash county cut was a 25.99, the problem is that county cuts were last thursday=1week late and i realized how mentally weak i am. umm i almost got kicked off the team cuzz not only did i do a 1:14 in the 100 (very slow) i did an open turn and spit h2o all over bignberg and mellisa who was timing. bettin was soo mad he told me that if he was 17 he would have beat my A$$

today... i went to suzys meet she ran pretty bad but i am soo proud of her, shes my hero!!! well collin thru shot put sweet i think he has bigger muscles than me and hes got awsome shoes!!!
miss hodge had a dream about me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yea miss hodge your awsome!

the more i think about it i am a jealous guy! the worst part is i have no reason to be jealous i think im goin to take pats advice

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: i miss you by blink 182

flying thru the wheat field <--name of poem
i wake up this morning to show expression,

an expression of times that were happier,
an expression of how much happier i am with you,
an expression of how much more sad i am without you,
an expression of wonder on how you make me feel enthralled,
an expression of how i want to get lost in your eyes,
an expression of how curiosity of your feelings,
an expression of emotions that you bring.

this is a poem i wrote [1)i think this is a poem 2)if not it still makes a cool design thingy 3)umm i told you i was bad at writing}

umm how about them yankees...luv all yall!!!

Current Mood: pessimistic
Current Music: from texas with love by as dawn falls

new
today was sweet...i had alot of fun lol i hung out with kellie i havent done that in a lonnngg time, well it was kellie jenny and me. we went to some sports bar that really sucked butt, but i got to see my boy steve witnbery (cant spell) then we went bowling omg im sooo horrible i bowled a 102 jenny bowled a 104 and i dont know wut kellie bowled but it wasnt very good. then we went to IHOP OMG that was soooo crazy lol jenny ordered off the senior menu not knowing. When she got her plate it, there was so lil food on it it looked like she was on a diet for mini people... enough about that now its time to complain!!! (thats wut these things are for arent they?) I HAVENT TALKED TO SUZY ALL DAY!!!!! I MEEN DANG WE HAD LIL EPISODE ARGUMENT THINGY ON FRIDAY, AND I DIDNT TALK TO HER ALL SATURDAY I THINK IM IN WITHDRAWL... anyways ummmm im kind of liking the whole idea of like the same 4 people reading this soo umm if you do read it leave me a comment plz thnx
your great dont change!!

p.s. never hit on your trig teacher, she may flirt back ask me about it if ya want

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: 61C Days Turned to Nights by Justin Sane

ehh
ummm this week has been alright... i meen i have some sweet classes but ive been sick ALLLLL week,

i was goin thru some old pictures of mine and i found my NYC pics(from when i went to NEW YORK CITY). Dang krantz even way back then you were wearin my shirts lol. i miss those days, the only worry i had was wut trouble i was goin to get into the next day... why is it the older we get the more stress we get i meen our life is just that much shorter shouldnt there be less to worry about? ehh ok anyways last nite at the meet was my LAST CHANCE to make counties...OHHHH GUESS WUT THE TIME TO BEAT WAS 25.99 and i swam a ~27.03 the worst thing is i swim faster than that at practice. soo im disapointed i meen dang, ohhh umm im the only senior on the swim team without a gf except seppi but he still is "with" his ex. lol thats my luck. last nite me and bettin were talkin about our women(or lack there of) and he looked at me and said "caleb one day you too will become a man!" that hit a soft spot but i still found it funny, although the guy is a comple a-hole i still think of him more of a friend than a teacher/coach heck he knows more about me than 1/2 of you (no offense) but hey ill be seein ya all later!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
But the day was so bright in the pictures
In the photo album that you gave me
It's all I have to live for....

I'm falling down
And you're not here to break my fall
I shut my eyes when you're around
I hold my breath to kill the sound of my voice
I'm falling down.
And you're not here to break my fall

Current Mood: morose
Current Music: how long is the night by thursday (some lyrics above)

normal day
ehh its another long boring normal day in the life of caleb, umm for 1 i went to school saw all most my friends there, after school i drove billy kellie and mellisa home, they are crazy i wish i hung out with them more... was late for practice not like i care anymore im soo burned out from swimming, for 1) i run distance why am i the 2nd fastest swimmer on the team? 2) last year was so much more fun than this year ex. taco bell after the meets 3)it gave me huge muscles everyone likes but me (no joke i hate them)... enough complaining about that, umm i think i hurt my elbow i havent played guitar today except for like 5 minutes and it hurt so bad strumming i had to stop...im really scared about that cuzz i meen the guitar is the only love in my life that wont break my heart, ehh on the lighter side of things Bettin is goin to talk to this scary guy that swims with the swim team joe seppe thinks the guy shows up just to check joe and i out... well maybe just me j/p but he is seriously scary like in the locker room today there was like 5 open showers and he waited for me to get done to use it
then if thats not bad he moved from the shower i WAS at (cuzz i moved so he wouldnt stare at me) to the one right next to joe seppi and the only people showering out of like 20 showers was joe, nick me and that crazy guy who noone knows his name... ehh after that i went home and ate dinner and talked to suzy on da fone... now im here wow guess it was a pretty busy day... OHHH dont hate on bettin for 1 hes got a gf and 2 he hates me and i know everyone likes that!!

umm thanx foreverything guys/gals youve been there for me thru alot i just hope i can pay you back someday!

Current Mood: sad
Current Music: what went wrong :by: blink 182

great romances of the 20th century, by TAKING BACK SUNDAY
a beautiful girl can make you dizzy like youve been
drinking jack and coke all morning she can make u feel high full a single greatest commodity known to man promise promise of a better day promise of a greater hope promise of a new tomorrow this particular aura can be found in the gate of a beautilful girl in her smile and in her soul and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like its gonna be ok.

I THINK I FOUND THE GIRL THEY WROTE THAT FOR,
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE ;)

Current Mood: horny
Current Music: taking back sunday!!

great week!!
well im glad to say im no longer sad anymore, this week has been pretty good ummmm for 1) finals were soo easy umm ill tell you how they went 1st hour= i did nothing absolutlely nothing cuz i was teachers aid ohh wait i read a guitar magazine 2nd hour) miss flaton critical thinking, theres not enough cuss words to explain how much i dislike that lady!!! but her test was eazy as makin eggs (the only food i can cook) 3rd hour) earth and space science i spent 20 minutes on the exam then let kandace copy (we both got A-'s) 4th hour)was gym hurray!!! umm at the very end of class jacklyn ran up and gave me a hug cuzz she will never see me again wich for 1 really confused me cuzz shes in my swimming class and 2 cuzz shes scares me cuzz she hits on me allll the time and has a bf who wants to kill me. 6th hour was novels i knew it would be easy but man he just took old questions from the test and put them on the final i spent like 30 minuts workin on it ;) cuzz im sweet but 5th hour was scary it was trig!!!! umm i was kind of nervous but it turned out to be very easy i think thats another thing i should tell you about i spent wed and thursday after school at the library studying with suzy. it was soo sweet lol even though we studied the whole time i still had tons of fun!! you should all give props to suzy though cuzz she spent a total of like 5 hours locked in a room with me and still didnt want to kill me!!! i realized how good of a freind billy is and it makes me feel bad i sort of gave him up for pat (dumb mistake)!! <3 ya all!! thnx for everything guys/ladys

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: great romances of the 20th century by taking back sunday

depressed
umm its the second day i owned this thing and im already complaining. bad sign. where do i start... this is the worst week ever... i think blink 182 said it best "everything has fallen to peices", today i got suspended from the swim meet, umm god knows wut the hecks up with me and girls <--dont get me started, i have finals this week which really sux cuzz that meens no more sleeping in school 8( but on the lighter side your all great i luv ya all!!

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: ian curtis by thursday look up the lyrics its about me

1st time
this is my 1st entree... so ill try and keep it short, ummm i guess i should start at why i wanted one of these. i wanted this not for me but for you my friends. you guys/ladys meen sooo much to me, even though you have all seen me do something stupid i can always say you were there for me to laugh at me and then help me fix it...

i guess i have changed alot over the past few months but i think its for the better at least thats wut i hope, i have come to knwo that my freinds are goin to be there for me whenever i need them most thnx... these months have also been a rollercoaster in my life from loosing my grandma, missing states by 4 places and being sick all in the same day all the way to finding wut a real freind can help you thru and that a real freind will always be there for you. i cant even begin to type out the feelings i have for all of you (my friends) but i will always be there for you i promise!

Current Mood: weird
Current Music: emo by blink 182

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